SilverBack Science

Free

2011-02-18T19:46:00.000-08:00

Random babble like games of Scrabble.

Domesticated life lacking unknown paths takes its toll on the soul, at least on mine...I truly believe we were designed to live a life "yet to be determined". That said, the system we have been born into works best if we all adhere to the path that is laid out for us. The freest of us are those who chase the dreams that lie deep in our hearts, even when we have to break from that chase for periods of time to catch out breath. So many chase what they believe to be their dreams, only to come alive one day and realize their dream was only conditioned ideas, their parent's words, the life others told them was noble. Look deep within and decide what is key. Decide what matters. Grand mountains, overworking yourself, exended rest, the space between, the undefined, moments right before sunrise, overdoing it, underdoing it. Dig deep. This shit matters too much and doesn't matter at all. It only matters because it doesn't. Work and career matters and at the same time doesn't. Just like Friday night football games. Get all caught up, and don't at the same time. Big breaths. Take them.

Hard to put words down when you are busy...It's been a while...

Willy-B

2010-10-31T14:36:00.000-07:00

Wedding bells chime, ringing in success, smiling faces

Public vows, private lives, looking for ways to plug their leak

Always leaking, can't find the hole, someone else stop the spray

Strip me down, pour water over me, and watch for bubbles baby

We will fulfill each other, this must be the way, we have to try

Blindly stacking problem on top of problem, bandaided beginning-

Dual income, suburban home, SUV, cable TV, success can't you see

MondayTuesdayWednesdayThursdayFriday FREE

Living together for the weekend, routinefeelsright, right?

Sitcom addicts, freed from our responsibility, gaining the joy of the people on the screen

Sitcoms, Oprahs novels, gin and tonics, the latest trends

FOX on thursday tells us what is cool, shows what is in

Addicted to addiction, microwaves burning in the kitchen, smoke coming from nothing but radiowaves, even fires aren't real anymore,

Everything done for us, programmed life, so little for us to do but work and love and reproduce, where is the light the everyday man asks...

Prepackaged frozen food marriage, I fear this success

She buys his clothes, dresses him up, he smiles and knows no different

You can sell anything to a man who likes what they all like, theytheythey

Fearing standing out, fearing falling behind, must stay current, smile honey

He got his blonde bombshell, she got her doctor

both now complete, but somethings missing, we have sprung a leak

Crack a beer, turn on the tube, distract yourself from yourself, look at the box, pat her on the shoulder, tell her it will be alright

Mary Kay wives, fragemnted lives, pawns for those looking down from above, dancing to the latest hit, blind to the string of the puppeteer

Who can say what is right and wrong, perhaps this is happiness, or close enough for some

Happy like a dog with a big bowl of food, happy like the blissfull ignorance, but did they choose it?

What will you say when they ask you who you are?

What will you say to the person lying next to you, a stranger to herself?

Are we aware of the way the system works, do we know what it is we seek?

The Open Ended Life

2010-05-22T09:24:00.001-07:00

Michael Chabon, in his playful, satiric, socially insightful book, "Manhood for Amateurs" pokes at the heart of an issue I also wonder about often as I let my mind float to the periphery of the important. The generation being raised in America today; will they be equipped to lead, to innovate, and will they be able to live open-ended lives? I think it a responsible question to ponder quietly on your porch while listening to some of your favorite songs and sipping a beverage of choice. Don't mistake that I am preoccupied with the question, or that I am worried about the future of the world, it's just interesting to think about when you inspect the differences in the way kids are being conditioned, compared to how I was conditioned just a few years ago.

In a chapter of the book titled, "The Wilderness of Childhood" Chabon articulates something I think many of us can grab on to...he says; "I grew up with a freedom, a liberty that now seems breathtaking and almost impossible." I certainly know many people around me had those same wild childhood adventures, those Saturdays that were wide-open, days that meandered all over the neighborhood, empty canvases left for us to paint with our imaginitive action. Those days have built a longing for open-ended adventure in me. This trait, or attribute if you will, pushes me to always seek more in various walks of life. This trait has taken me live in other countries, has taken me on motorbike rides in jungles, surf trips on beaches, and has led to some of my greatest memories ever. That being said, let me stop for a moment and recount some childhood experiences that happened in a world where grown-ups didn't exist...a place where I was, at least for a period of time, the captain of my own ship.

1. (Approximate age 10) Building a boat out of plywood and going "boating" in the swamp that was a part of the forest behind my parents home. The boat sunk rather quick. I am still here. Lesson in failure, it can be FUN.

2. (Approximate age 13) Welding roll bars on to Scott Massey's go cart. Driving the go cart down the neighborhood streets at at least 40 MPH and choosing to turn the steering wheel so hard that the cart would roll over it's side atleast 3 times before coming to a stop. I was smart enough to wear a helment in this instance.

3. (Starting approximately at age 8) After dinner sessions of capture the flag with neighborhood friends, in the dark, and with no parental supervision.

4. (Approximate age 10) Climbing underground into the disgusting water drainage pipes that were less than 3 feet in diameter and traversing over 200 yards to come out of a manhole across the neighborhood. Serious feelings of accomplishment after this victory. I was bet it couldnt be done by my friend Derek Snable.

5. (Approximate age 8-13) Spending summer days skateboarding, biking, rollerblading everywhere, (with no helments) stopping only to buy a cold Coca-Cola and other high fructose corn syrup fuels at the Golden Gallon nearly a mile from my parents house off of HWY 5.

I guess you get the point I am making. I had the golden childhood. There wasn't much money, but I didn't know it and I didn't care. I never played video games, I was always pushed out the door and told to have a good time. I just had to figure out how to do it. I think an issue with current "fun" for kids is that they don't have to figure out how to have it. It's nicely packaged in a box, it's right in front of them on their phones, it takes no effort, and it's certainly not open-ended and thought provoking. Will they be able to be explorers in the world as adults if they never learned how to push themselves as chidlren? I don't know the answer obviously, but I fear it may not be a resounding YES.

Not to sound old, or grandfatherly, but too often in modern times, parents fear everything that might or could happen to their kids. We do live in the age of fear. Capitalism, advertising, media, pushing us to buy our way to safety, buy or freedom from danger. I swear that when I head to the burbs I see kids wearing what appears to be knight's armour just to ride their bike, and I am sure they have been told exactly where they can go, who they can talk to, and what time the must be home. Kids have become so obsessed over by parents that their freedom is almost stripped, and the parents lose themselves in the obsession of guiding and controlling their kids. These kids then grow up and are released into their natural habitats (the world) where so little is controllable, yet they are conditioned to think it can all be controlled. Weird. Scary. Time to get remolded by nature. Nobody will know how to be alone anymore, nobody will know how to be sad, how to survive without instructions, how to get there without Garmin, how to talk without texting, how to paint their own canvas. This is a world I fear.

So, I hold steady to my purpose on "Silverback Science" of providing the rambling of a highly evolved primate. I rambled, and I will let Michael Chabon end this rant with a more highly focused synopsis of my little fear that resides in the most peripheric corner of my mind.

"Art is a form of exploration, of sailing off into the unknown alone, heading for those unmarked places on the map. If children are not permitted -not taught- to be adventurers and explorers as children, what will become of the world of adventure, of stories, of literature itself?"

I think it a bold, and important question to ask. Especially while sitting on the couch as I am now

Minus the Bear

2010-05-11T07:56:00.001-07:00

"Minus the Bear have always avoided easy classification, preferring to tread their own inimitable path defined by energy and invention."

So I finally got to see Minus the Bear after a few years of really wanting to see them live. I've heard their music described by people as Ambient Indie Rock, but whatever you want to call it, it's gooooood stuff. The show was good and shifted to great as it went on. The lead singer Jake Snider really heads up a bunch of guys with awesome stage presence, who look like they play straight from muscle memory without thinking at all. The pace was really interesting as they constantly shift back and forth between guitar and electronic pressure that kept me there even when they weren't playing something that I specifically liked. A few of their older songs I don't find real appealling but they played a bunch of really good stuff off of Planet of Ice. The also pressed REAL hard into a new song called "My Time" off of their new album OMNI. It was really cool live, I had never heard it before but already have it downloaded and you should too. The shift in it from guitar, vocals, keyboard is very different from stuff I have heard before. The light set up was great and really paired well with the music...Making for a really good environment. Of course they left stage early, but hadn't yet played "Absinthe Party at the Warehouse", so I knew they would be back. They came back out and threw down a few more songs and finished with Absinthe Party. Good stuff.

Pachuca Sunrise

we met on the beach in the mediteranian

and i miss you even here

taking it all in

the sand silver carries the moon on the shoulder

is it possoble to put this night to tune and leave it to you

Mother's Day Rumble

2010-05-09T10:37:00.000-07:00

"An everchanging diet or an omnivorious diet means exposure to an ever-shifting chemical equilibrium"

Quick thoughts. I think the statement above from Terence McKenna's "Food of the Gods" is applicable in many arenas of life, not just regarding diet. I have sought to be defined by many things, while not being singly defined by any one thing. Somewhere along the way, I wandered upon the realization that not allowing any one thing to overly define me might stop me from exploring/committing to any one thing too deeply (Duh!). So, I guess to an ever-increasing degree I am no longer concerned whether or not I am "labelled". I ran from labels for the longest time; I think I was afraid of having to live up what was brought with the label. I also know that I didn't want to have the negative connotation of the specific label attached to me either. Regardless, I still chase balance, even though on occasion it has been achieved by jumping back and forth from one end of the teeter-totter to the other right before it hits the ground. I am much better at standing closer to the middle these days. I think that comes with age. I think I also do a better job than I give myself credit for, that tends to be the case.

So, when I assess the "diet of my life", I see a historical landscape that is marred with both failure and grand success, left and right, up and down, yes and no, black and white. Diversity. Seeking equilibrium, real homeostasis. An omnivoric life if you will. An everlasting present of choices and decisions. We are always at a fork in the road, even if we don't realize it. Often, it is that which we choose not to do that ultimately defines us. Inaction or action in the moment is closely connected to a future present moment. We can choose to obstain, or we can choose to partake, but we must be aware that either will define us, and define how we will evolve as individuals and organisms. So, to dance or sit? I think you have to get up on your feet, and do work to the music.

Follow your Feet

2010-05-04T04:33:00.000-07:00

"They're letting it out again, When it comes, it comes abrupt, When it feels, it feels like trading brains with an imbecile. For real" WHEN IT COMES: INCUBUS

So I would be feeding myself a complete line of bull if I said that I always felt bold, confident, and inspired. I would love it if life were this way, but I don't think we would benefit as much as individuals if things were always easy, if we were always inspired, if we always woke up knowing exactly what it is we are supposed to do. I have come to be accept the oscillation between different feelings that life pushes my way. I think for a while I might have lied to myself to a certain degree and believed that I directed my emotions and thoughts completely. I have learned this isn't always the case, because if it were I would always feel inspired. I would always be bold, I would always be ready to attack an issue, to carry on a conversation. For a long time I put lots of pressure on myself to always be this, and to a certain degree, when the natural feeling wasn't there it felt as if I had somehow failed myself.

So what stops me? Well, it doesn't come often, and I certainly have learned how better to handle it, but when it creeps upon me it comes out of nowhere. When I was younger it was harder to shake, but as you better learn yourself, you learn how to overcome yourself. It is a sneaky little thing; quiet. A creature of the dark, working silently to keep us from occupying all available space provided to us, keeping us from getting all that we want and deserve, keeping us from jumping at opportunity. Keeping us still and second guessing ourselves. It creeps in my mind ever so quietly, usually without me realizing it at first, and by the time I feel it, it has its grips on my sub-conscious. Self-doubt. I am self-aware enough that I know it is there. I know it is temporary, passing, and often a simple sub-conscious expression of insecurity driven by my percieved failure in a certain area/arena/instant. I know all this, yet I sometimes can't immediately come out the other end of the tunnel into the light. So what to do?

How do I free myself? How do I overcome this that on occasion pulls me away from myself, away from my mission of living the way I want to live, away from boldness? I think the answer is simpler than we think, although it isn't always as instantaneous as we would like it to be.

Follow your feet. A great friend once made this remark while talking about her life situation and and it has stuck. She was describing how she had emerged in-tact from some tough times life had thrown at her. In other words...though my own interpretation, continue doing what you know is right and eventually you will come out the other end strength regained. I believe that only when we allow ourselves to be immobilized by fear, self-doubt, unknown, or uncertainty do we lose. We can't always control what hits us, or even where sometimes our minds take us, but we certainly have the ability to know it is short lived and too will pass.

Life. Life is. Life is so rarely well-defined. Life is uncertainty, life is flux, life is ebb and flow. Life moves like the tides, like the seasons, in patterns we usually fail to recognize. I think as humans, we function best, we thrive, when we are able to embrace this. When we choose to let go of trying to control all outcomes, when we give away the illusion that we know. At the end of the day, week, month, or whatever I may be processing at the moment, I know that if I can remember that nothing is forever, that everything is passing, I can put one foot in front of the other and walk the way I want to. Doing so...doing the right things even when I am not overly inspired to do so, allows me to emerge from the brief shadow of self-doubt stronger, bolder, and more firmly molded into a person who can handle anything. The person I want to be. I think I believe self-doubt can actually serve us if we use it in the right way.

I choose to believe that we are designed to live bold, impactful, lives. I believe we owe it to ourselves and everyone we touch to find a way, to prevail, to become better because of it all. When we do, we position ourselve to positively affect others as well as our own path, which I would argue are intertwined anyways. I think, part of this is sometimes pulling ourselves out of the micro-level selfish funk, our own selfish fears, our own doubts, and realizing that there is a much greater good we can choose to commit ourselves to. If I keep this planted at my core, it's hard not come out the other end better than when I went in.

So, I lacked laser focus, but I completed the thought and found a way to close the loop. I swear I am going to get far less serious, in turn up the funny volume in the relative near future. Later.

Anti-Anti

2010-04-27T05:02:00.000-07:00

For me, opposition is futile. I am, Anti-Anti, and I am just warming up. You might have heard me say this before with a half joking smile on my face. I was only half joking. And if you know where anti-anti came from, good on ya for following local Atlanta music.

I have, for as long as I can remember remembering (huh?), thought that opposing anything in the world that is substantial enough to carry any real following to be a futile use of my mind, heart, and energy. Now don't jump to conclusion and assume that I wouldn't oppose those things that we all know are wrong (you know the list). That being said, for me, taking a polar position and arguing over a "political/social" issue is wasteful of ME. I understand this isn't a popular stance, we are conditioned to believe that if we oppose we can change things. I just don't have the energy at this point to be that wasteful with it. Wasteful?! one might ask...Wasteful to care?! No.... But, wasteful of my heart's space and my energy to diametrically oppose and fight against something that IS. It has always been funny to hear people say that they "don't believe in..." Generally, what they don't believe in actually is, and has been for longer than they haven't believed in it. I can specifically hear a few older folks in my life crying out that they don't believe in this, that, or the other. So then, what do I specifically mean that I am anti-anti?

Well, in a day and age when it seems that everyone is anti-something, whether it be political, cultural, or whatever. It's quite liberating for me not to be anti-anything, and I have so much more time to work on things that matter; people,relationships, improvement. This is anti-anti. No fights, no arguments, nothing to stand in opposition of, and so much less to worry about. That being said, I do get to this point and ask myself if it takes away from my significance in this story to be anti-anti? Does it make me less caring? Am I walking with blinders? Am I choosing to be blissfully ignorant? Does it make me a lesser citizen of the world? Is anti-anti a cop out????

At its core, being anti-anti isn't actually about being anti-anti if I really believe what I say. To me it's actually more about learning not to oppose that which is and can't be stopped. Learning that life is so much more about what you are FOR, than what you are against. Again...what are you for? My life resonates with so much more meaning when instead of being/spewing anti-whatever, I choose to find things that are beautiful and add to life; then carry those flags. For me, there is extreme boldness and beauty in this path, as the best way for me to oppose that which I deem wrong is not by fighting it, but by exuding and radiating everthing it is not. When I oppose I have to take a negative stance in my mind and heart, but there is a real feeling of freedom in knowing that the flags I carry are worthwhile. I guess, that at its most basic, anti-anti is really being about living with intentionality, and choosing to to be everything that wrong is not. That I can try to be, and what a backwards way to get there...